Bernadette stumbles home, gin bottle in hand and in need of a midnight snack. But the fridge is bare - apart from a lone bagel that Victor Victoria was saving...

Infamous cabaretniks EastEnd Cabaret are infiltrating the legendary cultural institution that is the Eurovision Song Contest with their own revolutionary anthem, Stand Up & Touch Yourself.   Part-disco booty shaker, part-faux communist march, Bernadette Byrne & Victor Victoria plan to mobilise the masses with a simple message: sex is the Great Equalizer, but you must know yourself intimately before others can know (or touch) you.   This Eurotastic extravaganza will prove that the UK has chosen the wrong musical ambassadors for their 2011 Eurovision entry - forget Blue, think red and support EastEnd Cabaret as your Alternative Eurovision Champions!   Filmed by Ant Media at the Southbank, London. Many thanks to our wonderful backing dancers!